procrastinating....or just tired

2 finals tomorrow: grammar and phonetics. I actually did something about my grammar final, I spent a large chunk of the afternoon and a portion of this evening reading about grammar rules and doing exercises. Maybe I won't completely fail. Phonetics, I don't really know what to study except the phonetic alphabet. Tomorrow...there is too much in my head right now. I just want to be finished. As soon as my finals are over, my academic motivation will be completely gone. Good thing I'm finished with my paper for stage. I just have to print it and turn it in.

I've made a list of things to do before I leave. Everything is feasible. I need a vacation. I need to get out of here. I would like to see G, just because I need to fill that void. I need to be loved, damnit.

Christmas vacation! Now!

Unsettled

I need some sort of stability. Last night was C's birthday and we went out to have a good time. I wasn't sure if in all of it I should pick up a guy. I don't know what G and I are...plus I feel semi-on the-rebound from my slip-up with AC. No winners...I wasn't trying very hard, a couple just started dancing with me. I was a little relieved when I saw K at the discotheque. I danced for 2 hours with some guy, eventually got creeped out, needed to go home and climbed into bed at 4 am. Now it's the aftermath. Sitting around in my bed trying to decide what to do with my day. I have a need to go out and have a coffee with someone, male preferably. I want to see G, but I don't know what to do about it.

Why do I feel as if I always need some guy? Am I really this starved for attention? Can't I be happy just going to school, having friends, and being in France? Do I need someone to want to hold and kiss me and tell me I'm beautiful? Maybe I was right: whatever void I used to fill with acting I now have to fill with men.

I want to go out with J...listening to their music on myspace, and I am so hopeless......
and fuck, I miss AC, even though I understand everything was just an illusion.