is he still reading?

i don't know if A even reads my other blog anymore. i think he might, which is why i've been writing everything concerning AW in here. perhaps i should continue that tradition.

it's amazing how playing lovers, even for a few minutes, can make one feel as if it's intensified their chemistry. AW and I sang a duet from Fantasticks-the closing ballad, a song of reuniting and profession of true love. we felt it, at least i felt it. and i believe that love to have a certain degree of truth to it. one can only act so well until there's feeling behind it. maybe that's what made him open up to me a bit more. that, or maybe it was because we spent most of the weekend together.

nevertheless, after rehearsal last night- emily is learning chord progression for a show and it's lovely....I ask him to proof my Tennessee Williams paper. He agrees and we go back to his room. I kept telling myself i needed to sleep in my own bed that night- 9 o clock class and AW is obviously preoccupied with the election results and cursing bush and the conservative swing the American citizens have taken. I'm ready to leave, but as we say goodbye it keeps getting longer and longer....a drawn out kiss turns into another followed by multiple hugs....until i think i'm almost going to fall over because i have my laptop in my backpack. he asks if i really must go and i confess it isn't necessary and i was looking for an excuse not to leave. i lay down and fall asleep in his bed while he sits at his desk and watches the election commentary.

I wake up once and realize how uncomfortable i am sleeping in my clothes. i strip to a point and climb back into bed. His arm quickly wraps around me while he's half-asleep. I'm amused by the way he sleeps next to me, as if he's become so used to me being beside him.....i'm like a stuffed animal or something to him. as i drift back into slumber, i feel his warm body behind mine....like a protective shield. somehow, i begin to sense this is starting to mean more. i wake up once or twice in anticipation of the alarm. AW often mumbles incoherantly and moves his arm lovingly across my shoulders, back, and around my waist. i think he even kisses the back of my neck multiple times in his sleep.

dawn breaks and the alarm reminds me of the obligations i have ahead. i roll over to snuggle against his comfortable body. i bury my head down in his chest with my left ear towards his face. he whispers," you're beautiful, you know that?" i've never heard that kind of compliment from him before. sure, i've been told how sexually desirable i am for him and my intellect praised. but beautiful- and the light, honest, serious tone in which he spoke seemed to slightly indicate "i'm totally falling for you....slowly, but it's happening and i'm starting to acknowledge it"
he embraces me...and eventually i roll out of bed. as we're about to part he says, "i'm glad you decided to stay last night." this time as i leave i see that same look i caught Friday night. that look-the realization of how close we've become....maybe he is falling...and perhaps i am, too

i'm far too afraid to truly admit it....he has to say so first. but i feel much more sure of this than i have previous. i was seeing so little of him...i was afraid of him being forced to spend so much time with C-bad psuedo jealousy.....but he's actually quite annoyed with her personality. now i'll be around for fields of academia rehearsals....

time to play piano for an hour before i go back to my room and sleep.
i thought it could happen, and maybe it is.