couch

i've spent nearly the entire day on the couch. wonderful, yet disgusting at the same time. i've never been so relaxed or lazy all semester.

next semester will be better.....

in the meantime, i seem to be in an endless cycle of breakdowns. i had another on monday. this one left me in crying convulsions for 2 hours. i have no idea how to explain why it happened. it just did.

in acting the next day, i did my "otherwise engaged" piece....i finally found the right balance. it wasn't perfect, they never are...but i came close to making it real. i cried again, i cry so many times in that class. but crying in that class is the only time its ok.

2 more weeks...this one with last minute assignments....then finals. i think finals will be easier.

AW says i need to be more open. if i'm not open in real life with myself, i'll never be a great actress. its so easy to say that. i feel like i don't know myself. i feel like i've never known myself. i feel like i've lost something in the long line of everything i've done. where does one begin to get themselves back?

maybe i should go back to writing everyday.

maybe i should do a lot of things.....

maybe............