Home....when can I go back?

I'm tired of being here....today is my midway point....halfway through my 3rd week. Far too much time, if you ask me. Next year I'm either taking classes or getting a job. Forget this twiddling of thumbs, etc.

But most of all, I hate the state of mind this sets for me. Its as if everything that I've built for myself away from here is stripped away to reveal my innocent naivete of high school. I come back and feel that maybe I haven't changed after all. What happened to those independent ideals I set for myself? What happened to that work ethic I perfected and maintained (and got straight A's my first semester in college, thank you very much)? What happened to that slight, ever so slight, feeling of worldliness? Was that just an illusion- my overcoming of issues I previously faced last year? I don't know anymore. Being here turns me into the hick that I was trying to out run. I sit at home....do the same things I did last year over Christmas vacation, minus the work of my online class. The only difference this time is the duration....and the fact that I sporadically call AW every few days. (I'm still not wanting to be seen as desperate and clingy, though am slowing losing my guard.) I don't go out....and yes, I have been slightly ill...but everyone is going back this weekend and I still have 2 more weeks. This week is the prime week to socialize and I haven't been out, save my visits to the gym and miscellaneous errands. My weekend rendevous with AW in Minneapolis fell through, like I knew it would. I don't resent it, but it still disappoints me.

Why can't I go back on the 3rd like everyone else? What's with this 5 week break business? Next year I'm taking classes.