Beginning Again

First post of the school year. I've spent my summer on an awful Internet connection with no time for trivial things like posting.

Back. And it seems to be better than last year. I've gotten multiple parts, in VC again, joined new clubs and seemed to have made myself a favorite among professors. And I did it without ass-kissing. I love my new suitemates and am very glad it's easy to distance myselft from those in the department I don't like. too many girl theatre majors=too much drama and gossip (not that it surprises anyone). At the moment I can avoid the cattiness easily. I'll see how long it lasts.

AW confuses me....as always. We behave like a married couple. I suppose its been a year. We seem to be falling back into the pattern of school and not spending every moment with each other. There are days when I hardly see him. I like that sense of separation. Lately I've been feeling slightly smothered.....or like I should be smothered. I'm so weighted by expecations and fear. I'm sensing us getting wrapped up in each other. This is the next level....and I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with it. There are times when he's just an ass to me....and he is because of his comfort with me. I call him on it and become bitchy to him. But there are moments when I have this deep sense of love and commitment. We slept side by side last night, no sex, but sleep. It was beautiful. That act must be the ipitomy of vulnerablilty; we were holding each other in our arms with complete trust.

I get a vacation next weekend. I'm going to a wedding in Portland, OR. S happens to go to college there. I haven't seen her in about 4 years. I wonder what that will be like. I know we've both changed, but have we changed so much that we lost that bond? I hung out with K in NY and we were never very close. That worked out. S and will at least have the reminsing and catching up of the last 4 years. I think we still have that rapport.

Time for sleep.