breakdown, again

so....top events of the evening

sobbing into the phone while talking to my parents
sobbing while trying to maintain composure before going out
sobbing while talking to EC
saying a nonverbal "fuck off" to AW
discussing why theatre here makes me miserable and the department bitches
being able to not cry for a few minutes

i've very unhealthy. its been a week; in an hour i will have been here exactly a week. i need to leave. this place just brings out the worst in me and never ceases to make me miserable. the glimmers of good are almost unseeable.

things that make me happy here

EC, SR....sometimes AW
French classes and SH (favorite prof)
certain music things
being away from my hometown
having wireless internet
infrequent trips to chicago
earning money with a frequent paycheck and a cushy job

things that make me unhappy here

reminders of the theatre department
dorms, burpee....loss of space and good food
not having a car to leave campus
the town of rockford
feeling like i don't have any free time
not being able to go to sleep early
having 9:00 class
not going to the gym everyday and having a shitty one here
feeling overworked for TA
my weekends are often robbed from me
my odd bipolar feelings for AW
not being interested in people i don't know to pursue as new friends

well...i don't think i should stay.

yeah, EC's back in her room and this typing multitasking isn't working.

post.