it begins

Oddly enough, this New Year finds me at a very strange beginning, one that I didn't anticipate. 3 days after my fabulous weekend with L and co in Minneapolis the pressure of last semester and everything surrounding it fell. I cried for 3 days and could hardly get out of bed. I didn't eat for almost the entire second day. I pushed away AW, who was coming to visit me. I didn't know who I was anymore.

I was at home...it was winter break. My parents had no idea. They knew I was worn out, but they had no idea I was so miserable. E-mails were sent, plans were made, and I was helped to recover. I had 2 weeks to decide if I was able to come back.

It's the end of the first day of classes. I've officially been in IL for 24 hours. I am no longer a theatre major. In fact, I don't plan to do theatre for a long time. This has been part of my identity for a long while. I'm not sure of anything right now. I've lost my plan, my major, and my reason for coming to this school. In it's place is uncertainty and the realization that not a lot is keeping me here.

I've taken a lot of steps to give myself some breathing room. I've dropped and added classes. I'm doing almost no extra curriculars. I plan to get off campus much more frequently.

My challenge now is to approach this relationship discussion. AW is very committed to me, and I to him. But, I owe it to both of us to sort out my thoughts relationship-wise. It's already a lot better between us.

well....here it goes