Luck

In a mere stroke of luck today I found a posting on craigslist for a study abroad internship.  I applied and received an email scheduling a phone interview within the hour.  I have a phone interview for 11 am tomorrow.  If I were to get the internship, I would have to find 15 hours a week between 9-5:30.  That means I'll probably want 25 or so hours somewhere else.  I think it would be easiest just to have a job downtown-barista, sales, food service, whatever.  I did find a posting for pt office person for afternoons.  That is also feasible.  However, for the long term (this year) I will need to keep finding internships that do not require the same type of hours.  I more flexible job might be better.  This is good.  If I get the internship, I will pound the pavement next week or whenever.  I need money.

Job Searching

Today I actually made progress.  After a disappointing start with an immediate rejection from a temp agency (the woes of technology), I decided to use resources tailored to recent grads.  Because I am an excellent candidate for any sort of job- lack of full time job experience be damned.  Anywho, I submitted stuff to two firms, with one letting me schedule an appointment with potential cancellation possibility.  Truthfully, the projects are likely to be temp which is exactly the timeline I'm looking for.  If nothing else it will make me feel like I'm actually making headway.  Additionally, I am also going to apply for 2 small/ non-paying internships in my field.  There's always a supplemental job as a barista or something.

I've made a decision concerning grad schools.  I am still sticking to my fall 2011 start, but want to remain in the international sector.  Specifically, I want to pursue the field of international education.  I want to work in the study abroad industry.  I think I would be an excellent administrator and I can see a series of career goals with that field.  I'm still interested in the sociolinguistics, but have scrapped the idea of the French linguistics.  I want to French to be a smaller component of my future career.  I want it to be the extra, not the center.  This also gives me opportunity to pick up another language(s) if I want.  Decisions being made, I plan to use the next two years building up my resume.  Once I've made my complete decision about grad school, I can seek out opportunities that best fit my prospected program.

Now I just need a job.

Productivity v Laziness

One week of unemployment has proved that I'm very good at laying about the house.  My list of accomplishments are as follows: cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen, loads of laundry, vacation to Iowa/ rental car experience, night out with L, voice lesson, choir....and lots of tv.  Clearly I need to change my habits.  I've been making lists of general things to do, but I think I truly need to plan out my days and schedule specific tasks.

General lists:
Electric co
Paper organization
Temp agency app
Bank
Grocery Shopping
Laundry
General Job Searching

Daily Schedule:
Wake up no later than 9.
Hour allotment for breakfast/ waking up.
Shower.
Temp Agency app/ Job Search until lunch
Lunch (12-1 ish begin with 2 hour break [French style])
Cleaning/ Errands/ Personal Projects
Dinner
Evening Leisure

Beginnings

My last post was during finals week of my last undergraduate semester. Summer is over and I am hanging between....jobs, paths, decisions. In other words, I am currently living in limbo and waiting for something to happen. I'm awaiting an internship in France that seems to be pushed later and later into my year. I'm applying for jobs (somewhat) locally while trying to weight what I want to do versus what will just be a paycheck. I'm living cheaply and would like to take something meaningful instead of something with financial security. On top of which is this amazing guy that I've mananged to meet this summer and fall in love. Wanderlust-filled me has reason to keep her in the midwest, whether I like it or not.

Here's to what I want: I want to choose a path that will lead me to grad school and eventually a career in an industry that will challenge me and provide me enjoyment. Everything comes to two industries- arts administration and international-related something (linguistics, education, etc). As much as I love Minneapolis, I feel this pull to leave. Now is the time and I'm equally tethered here. Then there is the guy; I have this amazing boyfriend who is stuck in college in Iowa for the next two years. For someone who has had a bad track record with long distance relationships, this is going rather well. I will not be any closer to Iowa than I am now. I want to keep him in my life (this does have marriage potential, if I may be so bold and naive) but question whether or not I can accomplish what I have set for myself.

Meanwhile, I'm living in slightly sketch North Minneapolis in a twenty-something boarding house. Four bedrooms, five roommates, and a cat; each is equally transient. Never before have I been in this sort of living situation before. The house feels like something out of L'Auberge Espangole. Ironically, everyone seems to be getting along rather well. I'm quite pleased with my little space and the easy-going relationship with my roommates.

Here's to the unknown.

Task List: End of Final Semester

Timeline:

Monday evening- read and take notes on all lit review sources, outline if time
Tuesday- write lit review, rough draft of Goffman section for theory paper, print transcript for keystone, turn in lit review
Wednesday- notes on each of case studies, rough draft case studies/ theory paper, peer edit proofing, add in section/ revise
Thursday evening- French presentation? otherwise, prep for keystone
Weekend- all keystone assignments; final draft essay 2, essay 3, portfolio, off-campus events
Monday- finish all keystone assignments, if time prep french project
Tuesday- turn in keystone things, French project
Wednesday- lit review, re-skim Fantasy Factory
Thursday- French project (must finish that evening), choir, grad rehearsal
Friday- Retreat at P's, work band concert

Vacation, or lack thereof

My angst-ridden, twenty-something self is throwing a pity party. Or at least pretending that I'm deprived/ depressed and there's some sort of righteous struggle that I'm upholding. This is my last semester of college, and I'll make it through if it kills me (which it won't, but this is me being over-dramatic).

Task list:
1. French lit presentation, hardly begun and supposed to have been given yesterday.
2. Social psych lit review due Tuesday- again not begun
3. Keystone book report due Thursday before Easter (next week)
4. Larger paper for social psych due at near semesters end (immediately preceeded by another lit review)
5. Large project for French lit class due at semester's end (again, topic not chosen)
6. Final essay for keystone
7. Work each of 3 jobs

So after my lack of a spring break in which I come back sleep-deprived, over-stressed, and unprepared I again take a tail spin into my constant, stress-filled life. This can't be good for my health. I lack time and money to buy groceries. I have yet to give myself a full meal in two weeks (minus choir tour, so I guess that doesn't count).

Granted, none of these things are difficult in-and-of themselves. Rather, it is the constant succession and equal demands put on by all projects. I have a small ray of hope, Easter vacation, awaiting me in the middle of April. Otherwise, I'm holding out for graduation at the end of May. It is very tempting to escape right now. I know myself and I know that I will inevitably crack under this pressure unless something lets up. I'm already exhibiting negative coping mechanisms.

I want to take this rest of this week off, but I have already skipped my social psych class this week and cut out of work too many times recently. I have not skipped a keystone yet, but I know that would be a bad idea.

Another looming prospect is my lack of structure post-summer. I do have 5 months before decisions have to be made/ executed. However, I've been passing up opportunities because of busyness. Irritating. I almost wish I had some full-time office job lined up, something safe. Even better, if I had living arrangements to go with it.

conflict

home has not be a positive environment for me as of late. AH and I had a large fight on Sunday and it has still not resolved itself. I'm not sure why it hasn't. He provoked it, wanting a larger discussion about what he can do so we like him more. I think he's craving affection and attention. Frankly, as roommates its best to let things be. Our personalities are not entirely compatible. One has to bit their tongue and pick their battles, otherwise their home environment will become a war zone.

I don't want the long and drawn-out discussion. It reminds me all too well about A. The discussion will be one-sided, as they always are with AH. He puts up such a front, but I think he is more needy than me (and I'm rather needy, but just sullen about it). I know it will not be short and things will never be solved. Living with him will never be perfect and neither he nor I can change that. I didn't even necessarily choose him; I unknowingly went along with L's vouch of character and my first impression of him.

Every interaction with him for the past few days has left me pissed off and stressed out. He always barges into my space and I should just forbid him from doing do (although this is apt to further the conflict). Whenever I enter a space that he occupies, he's pissed at me. Basically, staying out of each other's way is the only coping mechanism for right now. I suppose we should actually sort this out. I initially just wanted a cooling-off period because I dreaded the discussion, but now I think it is inevitable (though it will not be good).

I want to run away. I miss AW and want to run to him, but that will not solve anything. But he will offer me small solace.

School's going really well for me. I feel very on top of things, despite not doing anything last week because of my recital. Even though homework is happening very last minute, I am extremely aware of my time management abilities and am able to churn out good work. Discussions within class are become more sophisticated and I think my memory and critical thinking skills are sharper. Is this was the last semester of college does to you? You get a fantastic handle on things and then leave. Maybe this is my light at the end of the tunnel motivation.

I need a month-long spring break. Two weeks for choir tour, followed by two weeks in EL with my family.

musings

too many options, or rather too many ideas. this semester finds me just as busy as before, despite a lessened course load. it was all deceptive, as each of my courses are equally demanding (but not demanding enough, thankfully). i also didn't think to factor in my recital, arranging options for France this fall, and now this scholarship opportunity. as much as i am eager to get out of school, i think i'll be ready to come back to it after a year-long break.

this rotary scholarship has me thinking about being abroad. i've been researching grad school programs. since i've spent too much time in France, i've shifted my focus to programs in Belgium, Switzerland, and the Netherlands. ironically, i want to find a way to somewhat regularily see D. there are english master programs in groningen- where he lives. wouldn't that be exciting?

i'm feeling nomadic again. my semester will fly by; it already feels like i don't have enough time to do things. soon, i will be in europe again. i've gotten confirmation from JF about a potential job. no promises as of yet, but i am first on the list.

school leaves me little options for free time at present. i tend to give myself breaks when i should be doing something specific. i need more leisure time than i am actually getting. for instance, right now i should be working on a lit review that is due tomorrow. i seem unfazed by the looming deadline. this is clearly not good.

can i put life on pause? i wish my class were at noon instead of 9:30. best get back to work.