almost over

i can't believe it, this time next week i will have spent a few days at home. no more classes, just two speeches and a 48 hours filled with packing and cleaning....only to spend the entire day traveling back to Minnesota. i'm not sure what to do with myself, i'm so worn out and wanting to retreat away from everyone...but that's all i'll be doing over christmas break, so i'm tempted to hold off until i leave. tonight i'm even thinking of staying in and avoided AW, even though time is running out and i know i'll miss him. if anything i'll just miss his presence and his treatment of me. we've been getting closer and i've been really happy lately. happy, despite the amount of stress and things to do bearing down on me. but i'm practically in the home stretch.

his family took me out for ice cream after the christmas concert. his parents, particularily his dad, seem to really like me. B even offered to have me stay for break, somewhat jokingly, but i knew the offer was genuine. i wonder what AW thinks of his family's reaction to me. or i wonder if his parents suspect our closeness...i think they know we're more than just friends. but sometimes i wonder about our closeness.

after a conversation with A last weekend, i decided to meet him for coffee and return his stuff. i'm not sure it's a good idea, but i've left myself a lot of loopholes. i'm just having coffee and leaving...it won't be more than hour or two. i'm returning his things because it pains me to have them and know they're here. it might give the two of us some closure...then maybe i'll feel as if i can move on. L warned me about the meeting. i know she's right, but i'll be cautious. i'm going to walk in there with an open mind. i'll listen to his rants and try to understand this from his perspective.