musings

i've been going stir-crazy in my room for the past couple of hours. i'm wanting to venture out or at least find a bit of conversation, but it's already 11 and AW didn't answer his phone. i'm debating whether or not to be persistent about it. E feels like being independent and doing some self-analysis.

so, how have I been...really.
life continues to puzzle me beneath the surface. i still live my life as i always have: i function well. I go to classes and seem to do well with the work. I'm in shows and continue to hopefully grow as an actor. I keep working on my musical endevors. I somehow manage my time and it shows. I feel very busy, but I wonder what I'm actually doing at the same time. My social life seems somewhat lacking, which is how I choose to live my life. I put school and shows ahead of socializing. I'm not the type who rarely sleeps because she was hanging out with people until the wee hours of the morning- then they have to skip class.

so what's in my social life? AW, mostly....i really like spending one-on-one time with him. actually, i like spending one-on-one time with cool people in general. I like Lu's company, which I should run into him more. I also liked getting to know D...have a bit of a crush on him...but that won't amount....I'm sure he knows AW and I are together, which he would respect. Am I happy with this whole situation? Yeah, I'm somewhat tired of the people that surround me, yet I've decided not to be as judgemental. I think some of that has rubbed off on me from AW. Immersion, I guess. Although, I have decided I should have more friends outside the major.

identity-vision of self-whatever:
Ok, there is no way to type this without seeming unhealthy or body-obsessed.....eh. I've trying to avoid the freshman ton. Whatever 5 pounds or so I might have gained first semester I think I pretty much lost when I got back. (I think it was a mental thing anyway). I feel myself slipping, despite my 3 times a week at the gym, 2 a week pilates, dance classes, and walking everywhere. I eat far too many sweets and should cut back. But I'm going to start montioring what I eat just so I feel better. I know I eat better than most, and I'm still the smallest one in the department (small consolation). I obsess a bit over food....only because I fear the seemingly unavoidable weight gain in college. They feed us terribly here. Next year I'm cutting back the meal plan and making my own things as much as possible.

I'm trying to focus on a self-improvement thing. I'm avoiding the negative gossip, opinions, bad vibes, etc. I should open up more to AW, he says I really don't. That surprised me, but its true. I don't know what I want to tell him. Even so, I feel that something is lacking....i can't find the solution.